DARN TEUTON!

I recently started swimming again — and by that, I mean I went to the large indoor pool, twice, a few weeks ago.  But it’s a start, considering that I haven’t seen the inside of a regulation sized pool in 15 years.  There are some very nice public pools here, and like a lot of things here, are very modern but housed in these beautiful old turn-of-the-last-century buildings with columns and wide lawns and everything. 

Since I am a housewife, I go in the afternoons, where it’s just me and the retirees.  And here I witness something which continues to confuse and amaze me.  I’m always surprised at how the generally very orderly Germans cannot que up to save their lives, which translates into a bunch of older ladies darting all over the pool, while I try to bob and weave.   The indoor pool has no lanes dividers, and it’s every man for himself in there.  

Now, I like a flowered bathing cap as much as the next gal, but to seem them coming at you sitting on top of a face full of make-up and announced by a pair of torpedo boobs is disconcerting.  It’s impossible to get out of the way, since there is no “way” — just a bunch of ladies fighting for water space, and I’m in now way ready to win that fight club.  First, I’ll need that flowered bathing cap. 

Yes, they do, because the Germans use military time.  Like, you have an appointment at 14 O’Clock or the movie starts at 20 O’Clock.  Funnily enough, the half-hour is noted on regular time — you can meet someone at “half 7″, meaning 6:30 p.m., rather than at 18.30.  And hilarity ensues.

But, the benefit is that you never set your alarm clock for p.m. instead of a.m. (and thus can never use that time-honored American excuse) since 7 a.m. is always the number 7 and 7 p.m. is 19.00.  You can, of course, still snooze for two hours after the alarm goes off, as is my want, but only until 9 a.m. and not until 21.00.

It’s amazing how good weather, and you know, having friends and speaking the language can really effect your ability to enjoy a new country.  

I’m also getting a kick out of the German spring/summer wardrobe.  While they can definitely rock the well-knotted scarf in the winter, the relative freedom of summer styling seems to confuse them (just like the subject of relative freedom of, oh, the individual… which is a topic for another day).  Of course, there are lots of pretty girls in summer dresses, but many of them — even very young girls — cock up the whole outfit with pantyhose. PANTYHOSE! Nude, shiny, pantyhose.  With open toed shoes! Or worse — with shorts.  Shorts and PANTYHOSE.  I half expect a Laura Ashley dress to make an appearance.  

I don’t understand how a country so close to Italy and France can have such a poor fashion sense.  How many baggy and poop colored dresses does one need? Of course, if you’re a 20-year old 6-foot tall blond, you have the legs to pull off the L’eggs.  But just barely.