DARN TEUTON!

Send some good vibes my way this week: I had a job interview in Hamburg on Friday and have another one here in Munich on Wednesday. Law of averages says that I should get at least one job offer, no?

I actually don’t know anything about the law of averages. Had I taken any statistics classes, I would probably be in a better employment position than taking a seminar titled: “European Witchcraft”. Unfortunately, Monty Python is having a hiring freeze.

video courtesy of YouTube

I really wish there were Loehmann’s-y type stores in Munich. I have a job interview tomorrow in Hamburg — what’s more American than a Hamburger? — and wanted to buy a grown-up lady handbag that could hold my binder and a change of clothes. It’s only a 1 hour flight, but there’s no air conditioning anywhere and women still wear pantyhose, so I’m going to do a presto-chango in the airport bathroom rather than sit around all day sweating in my hosies.

Back home, I would have worn a path down my usual route of Century 21, Loehmann’s and Filene’s Basement. But those holy grails don’t exist here — presumably, because all the European castoffs get sent off to the U.S. leaving cheap European dwellers to fight it out at H&M. I tried to side-step the fisticuffs by going to some second-hand stores, but could. not. afford. even anything USED (at over 300 Euros, I may just bring my reusable shopping bag and claim it’s designer. I mean, it was designed by someone.)

I’m sure my lack-of-handbag will not stop me from getting this job when I have so many other lackluster qualities to choose from. If only I had that one *perfect* accessory …. alas, I shall never know…

I want to thank The Accidental Teuton (a.k.a. Frau X) for welcoming me into her merry band of kvetchers.  It is a true honor to have been given a vehicle for my Unibomber-esque ramblings and I’m thrilled to play Robin to the Teut’s most excellent Batman.

So who am I?  Just call me SAHMy Davis, Jr. and watch me tap dance around my unbelievably bad mothering skills.  I am an opera singer and mother of Things One and Two.  I also used to teach music but, thanks to the economy, find myself both between jobs and ten seconds away from rocking naked in the corner.  I mean, is this really happening?  I used to travel the world singing and now I consider it an adventure just taking both kids out to the Trader Joe’s.

I love daycare.   Besides the constant social interaction, I adore that Things One and Two dine on lamb and cilantro for lunch, speak both English and Farsi and still have no idea what Disney is.  Sure, there are downsides.  Thing One sat at the dinner table last night singing, “Jeebus Loves Me,”—not exactly on list of sanctioned tunes, seeing as how we are Jewish.

Let’s be honest, I also love daycare because it gives me the opportunity to have an identity outside my children.  So when I was faced with the reality that my current employment situation was coming to an end, I panicked.

No job=no daycare and Things One and Two would have to spend all day with me.  And yes, I do see the irony in the fact that I have sent no less than 350 resumes and yet have somehow been selected to perform a job for which I am completely unqualified: motherhood.  Guess I should actually install those smoke alarms I bought a year and a half ago.